Low Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the way a young person thinks and feels about themselves. Not just how they look but whether they believe they are capable, likeable, good enough. When self-esteem is steady, a young person can make mistakes without it shaking their whole sense of who they are. They can accept that they are imperfect and still worthy.

When self-esteem is low, it often sounds like:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “Everyone else is better than me.”
• “I always mess things up.”
• “There’s something wrong with me.”

If you’re a parent reading this, you might notice your child becoming more withdrawn, more self-critical, more anxious about getting things wrong. If you’re a young person reading this, you might feel exhausted by the constant comparison and pressure. You are not dramatic and you are not broken.

What low self-esteem can look like

Low self-esteem can show up in lots of ways:

• Harsh self-talk
• Avoiding new things in case of failure
• Intense fear of making mistakes
• Negative body image
• Comparing themselves constantly to others (especially online)
• Struggling to recognise strengths
• Withdrawing socially
• Low mood or anxiety

For neurodivergent young people, low self-esteem can develop after years of masking, feeling ‘different’, or receiving subtle (or not so subtle) messages that they are ‘too much’ or ‘not enough’. That is not a personality flaw and it is often the result of environments that did not understand them.

Why it develops

Low self-esteem does not appear out of nowhere. It can grow from:

• Bullying or friendship difficulties
• Academic pressure or exam stress
• Trauma, neglect or criticism
• Social media comparison
• Discrimination
• Health challenges
• Big life changes

Young people form their self-view through relationships and experiences. Repeated negative messages from peers, adults or online spaces can become internal beliefs.

Low self-esteem itself is not a diagnosis. But when it persists, it can increase vulnerability to anxiety, depression and panic.

How I work with self-esteem

I help young people understand where these beliefs came from and gently test whether they are actually true. CBT is practical and evidence-based. Together we:

• Identify the negative core beliefs
• Notice thinking patterns (like mind-reading or catastrophising)
• Build balanced, realistic self-beliefs
• Increase confidence through small, supported actions

I adapt my approach for neurodivergent young people. I will not mistake masking for coping and I will centre your child’s goals – not anyone else’s expectations.

Parents are part of the process. I support you to know what helps, what doesn’t, and how to reinforce healthier beliefs at home. Low self-esteem can change. I see it every week.

If you’re unsure whether what you’re seeing is ‘just a phase’ – let’s figure it out together.